“We’re all mad here”

A snippet taken from my well-thumbed copy of Alice… I take solace. Negotiating around various challenges this world throws at you, is very daunting. Being amongst similar creatures who all regurgitate pervasive stereotypes towards others, possibly due to their genetic biome – presents a terrifying idea. Despite my need to be visually unimpressive, and blend into the bustling background of society. Constraint taints my ability to reach a satisfying equilibrium between perfection, and lingering in the vagaries of madness.

“Little Alice fell
d
o
w
n
the hole,
bumped her head
and bruised her soul”

Therefore as I “Begin at the beginning,” the end is now near. I’ve finally submitted the last assignment for my undergraduate degree, and now with just the dissertation and one exam to go… I sense the impending failure, slowly trickling across my body.

What if this is a dream?

             What if I wake up to find that this fictitious creation, never stops?

                         “It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.”

Following desperate attempt to grasp control; I find myself trapped within a long-enduring  game of  cat and mouse. The dialogue “which way you ought to go depends on where you want to get to…” between the Cheshire and Alice, somewhat, signifies the indecision currently raging though my mind. Round and round, not always in circles, up and down – constant worries tick away; whilst anxiously watching for the optimal moment to pounce. Alongside various, thoughts concerning “Who am I then?” infects each meticulous step I take; there is definite truths within the passage, “if you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison,’ it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

 

Rambles, rants and ravings – food!

Those who know me will be aware of my slightly unhealthy obsession with certain produce and fears surrounding others. However I must confess that my negative associations are based on personal experience with such dietary lifestyles. Although mine tended to be less self-imposed, but rather forced upon me, as my body does not tolerate gluten, lactose or celery – I guess I could consume these and end up on ventilating machines situated next to bleak walls and miliarity-lined hospital beds.

Butternut chunks covered with spices and grains

Little potato with steamed peppers and guacamole, lightly frizzed with chilli-inflused coconut oil

Yet I have been massively perturbed by the influx of individuals with ‘self-diagnosed’ dietary requirements – boosted by the glamorisation of ‘superfoods’ by so-called health experts. This promotion of healthy eating, although not unfounded as many cultures do reserve a completely un-refined, plant-based diet. It does scream health related dangers – opening doors for unwarranted obsessions around ‘clean’ eating and fuelling disordered eating. I would find some statistics supporting my argument at this point, being the ‘psychology student’ that I am, however it simply is not worth the time.

*Nevertheless I do feel in need of placing a disclaimer that these rambles are not applicable to dietary needs, recommended by a doctor, nutritionist; after all humans are a not a mirror copy of each other.*

There are shelved spilling with sleek healthy eating books: each with meticulously framed ‘works of art’ (food), demonstrating the delightful possibilities of each concoction. I do wonder how realistic it is to re-create those carefully poised creations by the author and photographer. To radically remove certain food groups can result in dangerous side-effects, and equally adding foods (e.g. meat after living a plant-based diet) following endured periods of not consuming them too. I acknowledge that many do successfully maintain a balanced diet without certain produce and that many of us are required to maintained very limited and carefully monitored diets, just to maintain healthy. I remain unconvinced that a radical-type diet is sustainable for the mass majority.

Sweet potato brownies adapted from Deliciously Ella’s cook book

It pains me to see the rise of individuals with obsessional eating (and exercise). Surely this social projection of the benefits of such lifestyles neglect to demonstrate the constraints it places on people’s health. For example, to maintain my bloods at a semi-normal level, I am required to take handfuls of supplements to boost the quantities that my diet lacks: honestly I cannot phase the horrific effects of malnutrition that I personally have experienced (whats-more mine is nowhere near the worst). Being forced to receive litres of platelets, concentrated with the minerals my body failed to generate, is one of the worst feelings I have felt in my late teenage years. Moreover, as a result my ability to give blood to help others have been removed from me.

By no means the food I consume is ideal for my body; I often happen to accidentally give myself a allergic reaction following cross-contamination. However i am willing to learn and perhaps expand my some-what constrained plant-based diet.

Bowlfuls of butternut-nosh and oven baked kale