A snippet taken from my well-thumbed copy of Alice… I take solace. Negotiating around various challenges this world throws at you, is very daunting. Being amongst similar creatures who all regurgitate pervasive stereotypes towards others, possibly due to their genetic biome – presents a terrifying idea. Despite my need to be visually unimpressive, and blend into the bustling background of society. Constraint taints my ability to reach a satisfying equilibrium between perfection, and lingering in the vagaries of madness.
“Little Alice fell
d
o
w
n
the hole,
bumped her head
and bruised her soul”
Therefore as I “Begin at the beginning,” the end is now near. I’ve finally submitted the last assignment for my undergraduate degree, and now with just the dissertation and one exam to go… I sense the impending failure, slowly trickling across my body.
What if this is a dream?
What if I wake up to find that this fictitious creation, never stops?
“It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.”
Following desperate attempt to grasp control; I find myself trapped within a long-enduring game of cat and mouse. The dialogue “which way you ought to go depends on where you want to get to…” between the Cheshire and Alice, somewhat, signifies the indecision currently raging though my mind. Round and round, not always in circles, up and down – constant worries tick away; whilst anxiously watching for the optimal moment to pounce. Alongside various, thoughts concerning “Who am I then?” infects each meticulous step I take; there is definite truths within the passage, “if you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison,’ it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Soliloquies of Shana 